The Devil's Horns

My beef today is with the vuvuzela.

You know, the vuvuzela. Even though you may had not seen it before or even knew it's name, before I posted the picture above, you have most certainly heard it if you've even watched a second of the world cup, and then spent the next ten minutes wondering what's wrong with your television's sound system.

Not to worry, nothing's wrong, except for the fact that tens of thousands of people are blowing into these ridiculous noisemakers at World Cup games, and making you run for the mute button on your remote. But you're only on your couch watching the game, imagine actually having to be there and sit and/or play through it.

Fans at the stadium can't talk to their family, or even watch the game without someone blowing a vuvuzela right into their ear. The effect is even worse on players, who can barely even hear each other over the 3 ft., 3 in. plastic horns, and many of whom have called for the horns to be banned.

Lionel Messi of Argentina, arguably the best player in the world, said about the horns, "It is impossible to communicate, it's like being deaf." He wasn't the only one to speak out; Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal, who is the other candidate for best player in the world said, "It is difficult for anyone on the pitch to concentrate."

And how could you concentrate? In games where vuvuzelas have been used, the intensity levels have ranged from 113 to 131 decibels. That's about the range between sandblasting or an exceptionally loud rock concert and a little less than the sound of a jet engine at 100 feet in the air ... for 90 minutes, plus stoppage time and rest of the time in the stadium, an amount of exposure so long to such a loud sound which that noise-induced hearing loss is a real possibility. According to gcaudio.com, sustained exposure to 90-95 decibels may result in hearing loss, 125 decibels is where pain sets in and exposure to 140 decibels, even just short term can lead to permanent hearing damage.

This isn't the first time the vuvuzelas have been used at a World Cup however. In 2006, when the Cup was held in Germany, fans were blowing into these horns like crazy as well, just on a much smaller scale. It certainly was less annoying than the 2010 Cup, but not by much. The big reason I mention this, is that ESPN partially knew what to expect from the crowd, maybe on not such a large scale, but they were at least prepared for some vuvuzela madness. Don't you think that with four years, and the technology that we have today, ESPN is able to drown out the vuvuzelas? Then why don't they? Are their commentators that bad that they themselves need to be drowned out? I haven't met one person watching on television that has said anything good about the vuvuzela and the sounds it makes, but maybe it's just because I don't know any beekeepers, as the plastic horns are infamous for sounding like a swarm of thousands of bees.

ESPN says it wants to give its viewers the full experience, which is probably just a euphemistic way of saying, 'please share in our pain, these things our unbearable!' By the full experience, I mean the full South African experience. Over the last two decades, vuvuzelas have become an important part of the soccer culture in South Africa, being used at almost every game in order to give the home team - which somehow got used to the awful sound over time - a little extra advantage.

Look, I'm all for the cultural aspect of international tournaments like the World Cup as well as the Olympics. It's nice to not only be able to watch a game, but to also feel like you are a part of that game, as well as being able to delve into what sometimes feels like another world. But keeping everyone safe is more important than making sure that everyone is being shown all the cultural aspects of a nation. And I really don't think it's asking much. People can still cheer and yell and scream all they want, just with their own voices, not with the help of horns. Just the chance of there being a case of hearing loss or damage to an innocent fan, especially a child, is a good enough reason for vuvuzelas to be banned.

People that innocently decided to go to the World Cup this year shouldn't be tortured or put at risk just because a guy just has to blow as hard as he can into some horn. It's not even a good way to support your team; it's not as if English vuvuzelas sound any different than say, South African or German vuvuzelas.

I'm sorry if you think I'm acting like the old man telling kids to get off of his lawn, but the World Cup has too ensure a pleasant and safe viewing experience for everyone. This isn't just some backyard football (or shall I say futbol) game, this is the biggest tournament in the world, and therefore it should be one of the safest and enjoyable in the world.

If the World Cup can't get fans to stop using vuvuzelas, or just decides not to, then at least ESPN and other television networks should drown out the sounds they make, so the millions watching the games on television in this country, and billions watching around the world don't have to put up with the sound. And please do it fast, or the next time I see an innocent person playing the trumpet, bad things may happen.