God The Superfan

Today my beef is with athletes who thank God for their victory, as if Satan himself was backing the opposing team.

Look, I'm a religious guy, but I just can't stand when athletes thank God for winning a game. I just think God should be and is worried more about a few other, more important things in the world like war and hunger rather than whether a team wins a game or if an athlete plays well.

During the past week Dwight Howard and Nate Robinson both thanked God and/or Jesus Christ for their respective victories. When Howard was asked, why people should pick the Magic to beat the Celtics, Howard responded in a one-word answer: "God." After being given a chance to change his statement, Howard didn't alter what he had said, stating, "That's the reason, I'm telling you."

When Robinson was asked about how he had such a big impact on Game 6, he had a similar answer to Howard, saying "God. I mean believe it or not, I'm a big, firm believe in Jesus Christ so he just told me to be patient and wait for my number to be called and be ready to play."

Woah, woah, woah, let me get this straight. I thought God was a Magic fan, according to Dwight Howard. But in Game 6, he and Jesus decided to give the strength to Nate Robinson to be patient and have a monster game. Did God have money on a 4-2 series win for the Celts? Did Jesus bet Peter that Nate was going to go off in Game 6? Was it really the work of God that the Celtics won the series as opposed to the actual talent and determination showed by the players on the court.

Look, if there's one statement here that is more acceptable than the other, it's Robinson's. At least, Robinson claims there was less divine intervention than Howard did. Robinson basically meant, from what I can glean from his statement, that Jesus gave him the patience and the strength to play well. This isn't necessarily too poor of a statement, as he's' not saying Jesus himself was fully responsible for his solid play, but the strength Jesus gave him to work hard and the patience he preached, did. Still, if you're going to give an explanation as to why you played so well, maybe you'd like to mention your teammates, or your own hard work, or your coach for giving you the opportunity before giving thanks to God or Jesus. I'm not saying that your teammates, your coach or even yourself should take precedent over Jesus or God, it's just that those involved with your team probably have more of an impact on the actual game than a deity or a messiah.

Howard's statement however is flat out ridiculous. Really Dwight, God will be the reason that the Magic to win? If I had to guess what teams God would be a fan of, I'm guessing that first place would go to the New Orleans Saints, followed closely by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, and then I'm pretty sure third place would go to the Boston Celtics, with last place of course going to the New Jersey Devils, which is clearly Satan's team. I'm pretty sure the Orlando Magic, would be pretty low on God's list of favorite sports teams as well, tied with the Washington Wizards. Wouldn't wizards, witches, and magic be pretty closely linked to heathenry?

But hey, since the Celtics won, God must have been rooting for the Celtics, and of course God was rooting for the Lakers, a team with an adulterer who has been accused of sexual assault, the guy who married a Kardashian, Ron Artest, who God knows how many sins he's committed, and Pau Gasol, who I'm sure God even hates. Hey, God must be the Buddhist Zen master Phil Jackson's biggest fan.

I don't necessarily have a ton of qualms with players claiming that God or Jesus Christ has taught them the patience they need to succeed, or given them the strength to play well, through their teachings. But to make any claim that even resembles the idea of divine intervention in a game is just preposterous. I just can't picture God and Jesus in their La-Z-Boy recliners with their foam fingers, eating wings, and intervening in the NBA Eastern Conference Finals, as if they actually have a rooting interest.